School Refusal - The New Epidemic?

In 1998 I worked on a campsite in the USA. It was an amazing experience, living with a bunch of children for a week or two at a time. The camp site held around 200 children. There was one particularly memorable camp when around 25% of our children came to camp with Ritalin, a medication used for managing the behaviours associated with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I remember all the Camp Counsellors being surprised by how many children had been given this diagnosis and were subsequently medicated. I can assure you it was quite an action-packed camp with so many dynamic children gathered together in one place. This camp also coincided with a tornado warning, so we had 200 kids running wildly around the campsite in fear of being blown away.....Good Times!

When I commenced teaching in 2000, it was common to have one or two students in a class who had been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. We were sent to Professional Development sessions to assist us in developing strategies to meet the needs of our students. I must admit, it took me several years to figure out that every student is different and no one strategy would be the 'educational answer' for the needs of our diverse student population. 

Toward the mid 2000's, we were hearing more about children who had been diagnosed as being on 'The Spectrum.' The term was used to encompass a condition many would know as Aspergers Syndrome or Autism. The impact of condition upon children is many and varied. Once again we were sent off to Professional Development seminars to understand what school is like from the perspective of a student on the Autism Spectrum. 

Whereas ADHD seminars were about containing and entertaining the student. Spectrum seminars were more about providing a predictable, calm environment for students so that they were able to learn without distraction or distress.

In 2017, our schools have a small representation of students who have been diagnosed with ADHD and a significantly larger representation of student who have been diagnosed somewhere along the Autism Spectrum. However, we are now seeing a new condition impacting a growing number of students in our schools. The student known as 'The School Refuser.

THE SCHOOL REFUSER

Every parent has days when their child just doesn't want to go to school. Maybe they're sick, it's school athletics day, they have an exam or a school project due that day. The parent decides whether to push their child to go to school or to let them stay home. For most parents, regardless of their decision, their child will happily rock up to school the next day and carry on with their school life without a problem.

However, some children find it hard to return to school after an absence. Some may argue that the child is 'taking advantage of their parents' by conning them into having more time off, but this is rarely the case. For many families, school refusal has become a huge challenge and one that we must work together to combat. 

WHY REFUSE SCHOOL?

The original reasons for missing school are be many and varied. Some reasons could be

• illness
• avoidance of a subject due to incomplete work 
• fear of a teacher
• fear of other students 
• fear of becoming unwell at school
• mental health issues e.g. depression, anorexia
• Post traumatic stress disorder - induced by a factor either within or outside of school

The list is endless. 

What is common to all these situations is that having missed a few days of school, the student has found themselves in a position where the thought of returning to school is overwhelming. This is not a case of a child being stubborn and 'putting one over mum and dad'. Rather, the student is so fearful of attending school that they physically and mentally cannot go through the motions of 'going to school'. Unless the parent physically forces their child into a vehicle and drags them to their classroom, there is actually nothing a parent can do to at that moment to get their child to attend school.

What is needed is a long term approach. You cannot get a student who is refusing to go to school to suddenly 'cheer up' and jump on the school bus. Instead, the family need to gather people around them that will work alongside them to identify the factors that are causing this student to be fearful of school. Having identified those factors the student needs to be provided with the educational, physical, emotional and psychological support to take control of their fears of school. This takes time, patience, insight and a bit of trial and error. 

It isn't a matter of just sending teachers off to a Professional Development session to learn how to cater to the needs of a 'School Refuser'. Instead, we all need to be watchful of how the young people around us are coping with school. Listen out for any indication that they are finding school difficult and be quick to offer support before they become overwhelmed and fearful of the 'school experience'.

If you suspect your child may be developing a fear of school that is beyond what is 'normal' for a young person, take the following steps.

1) Encourage your child to talk about the highs and lows of their school day. Give them your full attention. Don't ever tell them that they are being silly or that they are 'just imaging it'. If your child is worried about school, then there is something causing it. Hopefully, just debriefing about school is all your child needs to do to stay motivated and happy with attending school.

2) Speak to your child's teachers. Ask them if they have noticed anything about your child. Let them know what you have observed and see if there are accommodations that can be made to make school less stressful for your child.

3) Speak to your family doctor about any possible medical or psychological causes for your child's distress. Doctors can also provide medical certificates to vouch for the genuine need for your child to have time off school whilst they lower their anxiety levels.

4) Look for other trusted adults who can support your child with their schooling. Exploring All Options provides this service. We sit down with students and chat about how things are going at school and then carefully address subject areas that have homework and assignments due. By working alongside a trusted adult that is not a parent, students can remain on top of their work, thus reducing the likelihood of refusing school due to incomplete work. 

5) If your child is refusing to go to school despite employing all the above options, seek out the help of a support worker who can spend significant time with your child addressing the issues that led to their school refusal. The end goal is to see your child returning to school with the support and strategies in place to keep them attending school.

Next time you hear about a student who is 'refusing to go to school', don't be hasty to judge the child or their parents. Instead, offer the family your time and support to get them through this difficult period.

If you are concerned that your child may be developing school refusal tendencies, call me on 0425 792 189 for a FREE chat. Sometimes we need to Explore All Options to ensure the best outcome for our children.  

Those techniques we learn to avoid meltdowns......

Chloe

This week, the pet population of our household increased by 300%. We have had Chloe for 13 years. On Thursday Simba and Tiger, two Scottish Fold cats, arrived. They had to be removed from Beryl's nursing home room at very short notice. (I'll save that story for another blog post!). We had also promised my daughter a 'baby bunny' (to be said in a cute, high-pitched voice) for her birthday. Her birthday is two weeks away, but yesterday we met the perfect bunny in Pakenham. We adopted it on the spot as there was no way I was going to do another 2 hour round trip to Pakenham for a 600gm fluff ball in two weeks time. My daughter named her 'Little Starfire'.

Little Starfire

So last night, we had Chloe, Tiger, Simba and Little Starfire all under the one roof. If we had been foolish enough to go out last night, leaving all the animals in the one room and inviting a pet-sitter over for the night - there would have been chaos! Within 3 minutes, there would have been two pets seriously injured, one cowering in the corner and one with a look of victory in their eyes. You could try and guess which animal met with which fate....but you couldn't be 100% sure unless you had spent time observing and getting to know the animals as individuals and in different combinations together.

Simba

In case you are interested, Chloe finds Little Starfire quite interesting and won't attack her. Chloe does not like Simba or Tiger and will chase them to the furthermost corner of the house if given the chance. Simba would like to eat Little Starfire, and Little Starfire is aware of this fact. Tiger is scared of Little Starfire but quite likes to eat her oaten hay. Tiger has had stomach issues in the past and must only eat 'certified cat food'. Fortunately, Simba and Tiger have lived together for 7 years, so they can tolerate each other.

Tiger

Trying to divide my house in such a way that each pet gets access to their own food and water supply at regular intervals whilst not bumping into a pet they would like to attack or are terrified of is quite an art. One, I must say, I am rather enjoying at the present time. (Okay, so I didn't have much else to do last night!) There is a certain satisfaction in knowing your pet population so well that you can avoid any 'unfortunate situations' by following simple guidelines and avoiding scenarios that will cause one or more animals distress.


Parenting is a little like that too. However, our children have a much greater range of responses to given situations. Nevertheless, by carefully observing our children over time, we can get a bit of an idea about what pushes their buttons and when a meltdown is imminent.

For example:

If we have a busy weekend, where we are out all day Saturday and Sunday, our children are both going to be tired and emotional on Monday and Tuesday.
                   Lesson: Plan our weekends so that there is 'downtime' for the children.

If we tell one of our chidlren that they are going to be able to play on the ipad after school and they gets home to find the ipad flat, they will become very distressed.
                   Lesson: Make sure that things our children are allowed to use are ready to be used when we offer them.

One of our children lives with a hearing loss and takes time to get used to the speaking voice of an unfamiliar emergency teacher, thus making learning difficult when their regular teacher is away.
                  Lesson: Speak with the school about ensuring preference is given to using familiar teachers when an emergency teacher is required.

As our children have gotten older, we are allowing them the occasional drink of lemonade or frozen coke (gasp). We have noticed that if our children have a sugary drink plus something else high in sugar content, their voices become louder and their emotional reactions to things will be much stronger.
                 Lesson: Ensure that the children do not consume too much sugar in one day and be confident in saying 'no' to the children when they ask for that extra sugary treat.

These are some very simple examples.

For older children, you may notice that after they have a double period of English that they are more tired at night.
                 Lesson: Go to bed earlier the night before double English and pack extra low-GI snacks for school on that day.

Perhaps they have the habit of putting off assignments until the last minute and then have a household-stopping meltdown the day before the assignment is due.
                 Lesson: Regularly check to see what assignments are coming up and assist your student in setting aside time and space to work on the assignment. (This is where time with me at 'Exploring All Options' could be handy!)

Maybe they seem to feel tired and lethargic every time you have quiche - is there a food intolerance issue?
                 Lesson: Go and chat to your doctor about possible allergy testing options.

The list could go on and on. The message is - if you are finding your children responding in ways that are less than ideal, take note of what happened in the hours before the incident. Over time, you may begin to see a pattern and be able to adjust your routines or talk to the school about how things can be altered to lessen their distress and the impact these situations have upon the whole family. There are some things that our children just need to learn to cope with, but there are a whole lot of things that we can do to make their lives much easier too!


If you would like to chat about any concerns you may have with your child's behaviour, call Louise on 0425 792 189 for a FREE chat. I can help you explore some of your options.  0425 792 189

The best option is still not going to be easy

Today I helped a much-loved family member settle into an Aged Care facility.

It's a beautiful place. Lovely gardens. Bright, spacious rooms. Caring staff. Close to her friends, church and hairdresser. Her room looks so homely. It's full of her own things, her hand-made quilts, photos albums, ornaments. The place will even let her cats live in her room!!!!!

It was something that my family had been working toward for several months. We had been watching the decline of Beryl* over time. We had liaised with doctors and the local pharmacist to ensure she was on the right medications and taking the correct doses regularly. We installed a medical alert system at home. There were family members and neighbour's checking on Beryl every couple of days. But a major medical crisis late last year brought Beryl's independent lifestyle to a screeching, traumatic halt.

Seeing the impending crisis and knowing that we needed to be ready when Beryl needed greater care, my family had been discussing different scenarios. Was it realistic for Beryl to stay in her home? Did Beryl need to move in with one of us? Could we manage Beryl's increasing medical needs? Did we need to find an Aged Care facility for Beryl to move into?

Having looked at the situation from every conceivable angle and chatting with a variety of medical professionals who were working with Beryl, we knew that our only option was to locate a suitable Aged Care facility. We didn't know where to start. What forms did we need to fill out? How much would permanent care cost? What kind of place would be suitable? How do we go about finding vacancies? 

To cut a 5 month story short, we found an Aged Care Consultant who listened to our concerns, understood our priorities in finding a suitable Aged Care facility, showed us the paperwork we needed to fill out and gave us a list of facilities to investigate. Employing the services of an expert in Aged Care was one of the best decisions we made. The fact of the matter was that no-one in our family are experts in navigating the Victorian aged care system. Between my family members, we are experts in education, counselling, administration and data management. We are experts in our own fields, but not in the field that Beryl needed. Trusting someone else to help us navigate the 'system' wasn't always easy and we had a few hiccups along the way, but we had to admit that we didn't have all the knowledge we needed to make the right choice.

So here I am, at the end of a very long emotional week. After looking at 4 different facilities that each had their strengths and drawbacks, we decided upon one that ticked every box. Even after we had moved in Beryl's favourite furniture and nic-nacs, I sent a text to my sister saying "we are doing the right thing aren't we?'. To which my she wrote back, 'of course we are, she can't go home because she can't look after herself.' 

When I spoke to Beryl late this afternoon, she was a pretty upset with me! She didn't like the facility we had chosen for her. She thought her room was small and dark. The people were unfriendly. She genuinely believes that we have made the wrong choice for her. However, Beryl's age and stage of life means that she can't possibly understand all the factors that we took into account in placing her in this particular Aged Care facility. She is responding to her feelings and observations from just a few hours in a brand new environment. She needs time to reconcile her expectations with the reality and to appreciate the benefits of where she is now. It's possible she may never appreciate why this particular place stood out as the only place we felt comfortable with. But you know what - I'm okay with that. My family have done our absolute best with the resources and information we had available to us coupled with our genuine love and concern for Beryl. 

Selecting the right educational option for our children is a similar experience. We know and love our children. We know how we want them to feel about school. So we ask for advice and hunt around to find the right place for our child to spend the coming year of schooling.

If your child has come home from school today feeling disheartened or nervous about the year ahead - remember how carefully you chose this particular educational option for your child. Remember that you did everything you could to give them a great year. Don't let a less than enthusiastic start to school discourage you, but keep encouraging, supporting and listening to your child as they get stuck into Term One.


*Not her real name

If you have genuine concerns about your child's ability to manage the pressures of the year ahead, give me a call on 0425 792 189 for an obligation free chat about the options before you.